Let’s face it. Sometimes life sucks.
There are a number of different ways that people respond to that reality. One of them is being positive. But while it may be helpful in many scenarios, it’s possible to take positivity too far.
Toxic positivity is when people suppress negative emotions by forcing constant optimism, and it’s way more common than it should be.
Positivity turns toxic when it’s forced on others — or yourself.
If general positivity is akin to looking for every cloud’s silver lining, then toxic positivity is like stubbornly asserting that every cloud is made of silver entirely.
According to counselors at Thomas Jefferson University, “Toxic positivity can be presented as a demand that we must be positive at the expense of other feelings.”
Essentially, it’s gaslighting yourself into happiness.
Negative feelings encompass a huge portion of our emotional spectrum, so denying yourself permission to feel them can hurt you and those around you.
Toxic positivity makes it harder to deal with hard times. It encourages people to hide their struggles instead of expressing them, which only builds pressure.
Talking about emotions, even with someone you barely know, makes you feel more connected.
For many, opening up to other people can be a scary prospect. Still, the benefits make it worth trying.
Start small with someone you trust. Bit-by-bit vulnerability builds trust and makes future conversations easier.
Many people feel shame for struggling, especially when everyone else seems to be coping just fine.
I can attest to this. Seeing everyone else during my low moments makes me feel like I shouldn’t be struggling at all.
But this pressure to stay positive isn’t always self-inflicted. Other people contribute to it too.
It isn’t unusual for people to shame others for their feelings, degrading others by equating negative feelings with weakness. One common way people do this is by comparing struggles, as if only the worst pain deserves sympathy.
Eventually, opening up feels like more trouble than it’s worth.
So, from now on, if somebody opens up to you, just listen. That alone can mean everything.
