Shutting the door as he climbed into his moms car after school, nine year old Julian Pankowki turned on “You Will Be Found” from the hit musical “Dear Evan Hansen”, and cried.

The whole way home.

“I was bullied in the fourth grade, and every day after school I would get in the car and I would listen to the same song to keep my spirits up, and because of that, Ben Platt became my first inspiration.”

It was that song that pushed Pankowski to try out performing, a hobby he found himself to be quite good at, right from the start.

“The 13 colonies play I did in the 5th grade at Dixie Canyon Elementary School really got me into performing,” he said. “I rember we were working on one of the songs and I did a little dance move and the teacher really liked it, and told me I was a star, and as they say, the rest is history.”

Moving beyond Elementary School, Pankowski attended Louis Armstrong Middle School, formerly Milikan, where he attempted to further his passions in the school’s musical theatre program, but was cut short due to the covid-19 pandemic.

“A big part of the reason I started doing theatre in high school was simply the fact I didn’t have the full experience in middle school,” he said.

Yet the real thing that drove him to become a member of the WolfPack Theatre Company, was the encouragement from the old theatre teacher, Ms. Molly Lief.

“I knew right away I wanted to do the musical, but Ms. Lief encouraged me to do the play as well, which really skyrocketed my performance career,” he said.

Now, four years later, Pankowski is the president of the WolfPack Theatre Company, and has become the only senior to perform, on stage, in all eight productions.

“I put so much into this program, and being the only senior to accomplish what I have serves to show just how much I did,” he said. “On top of being in all eight shows, which is wonderful, I became president of the board, organized shows and kept my grades up. It’s just cool to see that all the work I’ve done does amount to something and shows that I’ve made an impact on the community.”

During his time, Pankowski performed as the narrator in “Puffs” (Fall 2021), Chip Tolentino in “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee” (Spring 2022), the cop in “Clue” (Fall 2022), Caldwell B Cladwell in “Urinetown” (Spring 2023), Ensemble in “The Illiad, the Odyssey, and All of Greek Mythology in 99 Minutes or Less” (Fall 2023), Sweeney Todd in “Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (Spring 2024), Hugh Crain in “The Haunting of Hill House” (Fall 2024) and finally Sam Carmichael in “Mamma Mia!” (Spring 2025)

While each production has brought forth its own challenges and opportunities for growth, Pankowski believes that no production will ever be as challenging as his first musical, ““The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee”.

“Chip Tolentio is the hardest role I will probably ever play,” he said. “All of the songs I had to sing were so high vocally, and my character was kinda the blandest in the show, so there wasn’t much to work off of. It was also my first real musical theatre experience, and my first time singing that much on stage, and it was just a lot all at once, especially right after covid.”

On the opposite side of the scale, Pankowski was particularly fond of his performances in “Urinetown” and “Sweeney Todd”.

“‘Urinetown’ was just a fun show all around,” he said. “I think it to be the most positive experience I’ve ever had in a show. ‘Sweeney Todd’ was different because I got the most recognition from that. Up until ‘Mamma Mia!’ it was our biggest show, so getting to hear about my performance from people all over the city was really special. Just the amount of recognition it got was really comforting and rewarding. It was the first time I allowed myself to think ‘I’m really good at this.’”

Originally entering high school as a shy, introverted, freshman, Pankowski believes theatre has made him more outgoing, and vastly expanded his comfort zone.

“I have done the most embarrassing things on that stage,” he said. “ I mean, my very first musical I sang a song about having an erection! And then in Greek Myth I did so many wild things. I farted in a bag on stage, played a dog, I even sniffed junior Connor Ruckman and died because of it. I have done so many wild things while performing that nothing, both on and off stage can truly embarrass me.”

According to Pankowski, the easiest way to break out of your comfort zone on stage is to just let go and commit.

“The most important thing on stage is commitment,” he said. “If you’re gonna do a show, do it full out, because what you’re doing is worth it. If you have a passion for something, and you love the people and the experience then just commit yourself to it in every way possible, because that’s when the experience becomes worthwhile.”

He also believes that without theatre, he would still be in the closet.

“If I had never found theatre, I 100% believe I never would have come out as gay,” he said. “Theatre was great with helping me come out because it is so open and such a great form of expression. I got to learn how to be myself on stage, which really translated to being myself in real life. I know if I never started performing I would just be unhappy. I would also be very shy and quiet, basically the exact opposite of who I am right now.”

Becoming well known across campus for his performances, Pankowski makes every song he sings and dances he performs look as easy as breathing. But, just as everyone does, he has his rough days.

“I personally think my worst callback, and one of my worst performances overall, was my callback for ‘The Haunting of Hill House’ this fall,” he said. “It was a very different style of acting, and I just got up there and flopped. I was so stiff and I wasn’t having fun, and the character is the comedic relief, so he needs to have fun. I left that callback feeling horrible and was doubting everything about my abilities.”

From this, he learned that one day does not define any performer.

“My best performance doesn’t define me anymore then my worst, it’s a collective,” he said. “I learned a lot that day, and realized it just wasn’t my time or my role.”

Additionally, what makes Pankowski stand out is his strong academic commitment off stage, taking eight AP classes throughout high school, and graduating with a 4.0.

“It’s been rough trying to do everything,” he said. “Yes the goal is to find a balance, but it’s also important to know it’s not always possible. Sometimes you may have to fully commit to a show and make up assignments later. You’re never going to find a perfect balance, because the system itself is not perfect. You just need to do what you can in the moment, and trust you’ll do the rest in the future, because you have to.

His strong academics and extracurricular activities granted him admissions to UC Berkeley, where he will be attending as a biology major this fall.

“This fall, I will be majoring in biology and minoring in theatre,” he said. “In my mind, theatre will always be an option, I view it as the most reliable thing, and I know I will always do something theatre related for the rest of my life, it’s just that important to who I am. But, I won’t have the chance to do bio whenever I want, so why not spend my college time doing something else I really enjoy, and building that solid foundation and backup plan while I can.”

As graduation nears, Pankowski hopes his impact on the department will outlive him and the rest of the theatre company senior class.

“I hope I lead by example,” he said. “I, along with the rest of the seniors, are truly the heart of the program, and I hope everyone else is able to see how much time and effort we all put into this program and how much growth has come to this program because of it.”

He believes having the other seniors grow up alongside him was one of the best parts of high school.

“The friends I have now are the friends I made my freshman year doing ‘Puffs’ and ‘Spelling Bee,’ which I think is amazing to see,” he said. “High school seems so big when you start, but being given a chance to make my world smaller and be gifted a group of people I proudly grew with all four years was so helpful.”

When asked what advice he would give to his freshman year self, aside from “don’t wear that shirt”, Pankowski emphasized the importance of sticking with theatre, no matter what.

“To freshman year Julian, I’d say, the people are not all going to like you, but you are going to do what you are going to do and you are going to benefit from this program because of what you do,” he said. “Not everything is going to be the easiest, and you’re not going to be handed everything, but this program is going to be the most fulfilling community you have ever been in.”

A community that shaped him as a person, and truly changed his life for the better.

“I have had a blast doing these shows, and the feeling I get when I bow makes every long rehearsal or missed assignment so worth it,” he said. “I have not done anything, and will never do anything, more fulfilling than theatre.”

This article originally appeared in the Summer 2025 print edition.