THE MIRROR | GRAPHIC BY OLAMIDE OLUMIDE
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The world of self-improvement is everywhere. Instagram feeds, TikTok accounts, books, podcasts — everywhere you look, someone’s telling you how to optimize your life.
We’re constantly being sold the idea that we aren’t the best versions of ourselves yet, but with a few simple changes we can be!
And at its core, this idea of growth is appealing.
However, the self-improvement industry has become a trap, and it’s really good at catching people. It promises growth, but what it often delivers is unhelpful, and even harmful.
The first thing that gets overlooked about self-improvement today is that it’s a business.
It might look like a bunch of motivational quotes and feel-good stories on social media, but at its core, it’s an industry. An industry built on influencers and gurus offering advice with one hand while holding out the other for your money.
Whether it’s a subscription to an exclusive ‘productivity course’ or a $50 book on ‘unlocking your potential,’ the aim is often the same — convince you that you’re missing something, then sell you the magic solution.
In reality, these products — that word is important to keep in mind — are rarely as transformative as promised. In fact, much of the advice is recycled, vague or just outright strange, all locked behind an inviting paywall.
Another glaring flaw of modern self-improvement lies in how it glorifies solitude and hustle. You’re constantly told to ‘grind’ alone, sacrifice sleep, to enter your ‘{fill in the blank} arc’ and isolate yourself to work towards your goals.
But life doesn’t have to be all about working yourself into the ground. In fact, some of the best moments in life come when you’re sharing time with friends, family or a community.
Relationships are essential, and contrary to what the self-improvement world might tell you, trust issues and doing everything alone aren’t prerequisites for success. Life is about balance — and, often, that balance includes being around people who lift you up, not just pushing yourself beyond your limits in isolation.
Modern self-improvement also encourages viewing life as a constant calculation.
What can I get out of this conversation? How can I ‘optimize’ this relationship to serve my long-term goals? It’s subtle, but it shifts your mindset in a horrible way.
Suddenly, your relationships aren’t about connection or enjoyment — they’re just another thing to optimize. The people you interact with become assets whose value is based solely on how successful or productive they are.
This warped view can leave you feeling disconnected and empty, as you start evaluating people like they’re just another checkbox on your productivity list.
Similarly, the self-improvement industry’s obsession with maximizing productivity is excessive.
I’m talking about scheduling your life down to the minute, trying to get the most out of each hour.
While it might sound sensible, even respectable, in theory, it’s far too draining in practice. The reality is that life doesn’t work like that. Things will come up, moods will shift and sometimes you just need to relax.
When you’re constantly forcing every moment to fit into a strict productivity framework, it becomes unsustainable and counterproductive.
Self-improvement isn’t about turning yourself into a machine, but rather building habits that enhance your life. It shouldn’t make you feel like a failure for taking a break.
Of course, the essence of self-improvement is still something worth aspiring to. The desire to constantly better yourself, to grow and to learn new things is honestly really cool. There’s an air of nobility to it.
Everyone should have that willingness to improve, whether that’s in their personal life, career or relationships.
The unfortunate reality is that the industry has hijacked that pure essence. It’s been twisted into something toxic, where growth isn’t measured by happiness or well-being, but by how much you can achieve in a short amount of time and how much money you can spend to get there.
We need to reclaim self-improvement for what it truly is: a personal journey. It doesn’t have to be about competing with the world, grinding endlessly or constantly measuring success in terms of productivity.
Real self-improvement is about understanding yourself, setting meaningful goals and growing at your own pace. It’s about building connections, being kinder to yourself and finding balance in your life.
Obviously, self-improvement isn’t evil. The real issue is the toxic, profit-driven culture promoting obsessive grinding, constant optimization and transactional relationships.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by the pressure to ‘do more’ and ‘be better,’ it might be time to take a step back and question whether what you’re chasing is really helping, attainable at all or just leaving you feeling worse.
The real goal of self-improvement should be about bettering yourself for your own well-being and the well-being of those around you.
This article originally appeared in the Summer 2025 print edition.